UnBaseball History
This is a history of Major League Baseball told from the perspective of some guy off the street. 10,000 BC: Baseball is invented Okay, so let's get started. In 10,000 BC, the MLB was invented by This guy and that guy (WHICH GUY INVENTED WHICH WHEN WHO WHAT WHERE MATT11111 DID YOU INVENT BASEBALL???!!!!!) (Nope, now back to the history) who hoped to evolve cavemen into the right millenium. They organized three teams that people cared about, the New York Yankees, the Boston Red Sox, the St. Louis Cardinals, and 27 other teams no one really cares about. Once the three teams got together, the Yankees got off to success right away, winning the first 11,000 World Series. The Yankees had such successful players as Me, You, Meyou, and Youme. After the Yankees won the 10,999th World Series in a row, the entire country's population blew up, including St. Louis and Boston. The commisioner of baseball at the time, Mr. Guy, created the new Cardinals and Red Sox, and everyone started caring about those 27 teams that just went to rot, after like three World Series. MORE COMING SOON! I WAS AT WORK! Hmmm, he seems a bit ticked off. 1001-1250: The Yankees lost the World Series Alright, now it's Saturday, and I'm back with more stuff that probably isn't true. In 1001, the Yankees lost the World Series to the Cardinals. The world was in shambles. All the Yankee fans moved to Chicago to celebrate the White Sox not losing to the Yankees in the World Series, the team they beat in the 11,000th Series. All the world celebrated the Yankees finally losing because they were getting bored of seeing the same thing in the newspaper every November for generations. In 1032, the Los Angeles Dodgers won a game for the first time ever, mostly because the Colorado Rockies were still sleeping when the game was scheduled, so the Dodgers won by default. They went on to beat the San Francisco Giants nine times in a row. In 1033, the Yankees won the World Series (again!) and the entire team died of excitement, marking the first time that has ever happened. In 1049, a corn flake tried to make it to the Major Leagues, the first time an inanimate object tried to make it to the bigs. He ultimately failed, and was eaten whole. In 1103, the Miami Marlins set a franchise record for most fans at home, 2. This was because one guy simply accidentally ordered two tickets and gave one to his wife. This year also marked the Houston Astros winning their first World Series. In 1183, every team finished with a record of 81-81. By default, they ALL won the World Series. This was repeated in 1473, 1492, 1583, 1649, 1650, 1700, 1732, 1739, 1749, 1823, 1843, 1895, 1925, 2012, and 2013. In 1250, the Yankees finally won another World Series alone, their first in 250 years. 1251 to 1500: the weirdest era for unsure. In 1251, Purple broke the color barrier by making it to the league in the shape of a 8'2'' tall man.'' During a game in 1258 against the Detroit Tigers, Minnesota Twins second baseman I'm a Fake made 7 errors in the game through the first 3 innings, and was booed by the crowd. He punched everyone in attendance, making it the first time anyone has ever done that. It was a crowd of 52,283, and he got suspended for 52,283,000 years, 1000 for every fan, including three hundred babies. He eventually made it back to the league by enveloping himself in a case made of peanut butter, and is still alive today. In 1300, the Twins attempted to start a war against the opposing Tampa Bay Rays with a balloon tank. They failed and were disqualified for 50 years. In 1301, a football player played some baseball for the Colorado Rockies and actually scored a touchdown! Really! Then when he took the field, a batter hit the ball to him, and he ran all the way to the outfield, then ran over the wall for a home run, thinking it was a touchdown, and he was wondering why nobody was trying to tackle him. The umpires kicked the football player all the way back to the football field. In the same year, Yankees third baseman Karl Ballpit tried to use a jetpack in a game, and was benched. In 1394, the fox from that viral song tried to make it to the league. When he made it, he said, "Hatee hatee hatee ho!" So that song isn't so off. The fox was immediately booed. In 1425, Meyou came back to the Yankees and hit 100 home runs in one game. Wait, what's a home run?! 1501-2000: Nothing worthy of reporting happened in this era. Next era! 2001-present: The Randomest era ever In 2001, the Yankees beat the Philadelphia Phillies 5-5. This is due to the fact that someone messed up on the scoreboard and accidentally gave the Phillies 3 runs in the 7th inning instead of 2, thus the Yankees won 5-4. Also in 2001, the playoffs were expanded to have 32 teams. Wait a minute, there are 30 teams in the league. The commissioner of baseball immediately scrapped the idea. In 2002, every team slept for 100 days in Yankee Stadium as part of a strike, and there was no postseason that year. EVery fan jumped on the sleeping players at some point. And a pony too. Yeah, a pony jumped there. In 2003, a player named Pee Mud was eating his lunch at his house right before a game, and he was dragged from his table all the way to the field, where he sat on second base finishing his big sandwich. That year, the Yankees managed to lose the World Series against the Marlins, who had a lousy -20-182 record. THEY FRIDAYING WON NEGATIVE GAMES?!??????!!??!?!!?'bn In 2015, it was announced that the MLB was expanding to 999 teams all over the world. Category:Randomness Category:UnStuff Category:Baseball